dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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