so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
