totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
