I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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