hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
