Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
