You can't special order awesome
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize