Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
