your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
