Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
