you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
