she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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