I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
