and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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