Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
