she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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