You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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