dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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