i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
