Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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