Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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