This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
