New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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