And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
