dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
