I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
