Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
