Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
