I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
