You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
