I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize