so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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