The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
