I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
