I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My feet surprised me
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