Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
