The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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