I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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