Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
