You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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