I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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