This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
