you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
