I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
