This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize