We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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