gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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