You're my little dorito
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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