I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
