I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize