do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
