when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
