I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
