I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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