Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
