I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
