Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My pussy is not your playground.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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