If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
