I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
