I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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