Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
