My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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