just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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