We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
