Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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