i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
