I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You pole danced in your parka.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
