Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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