i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
