Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
