Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize